Just one of those days...

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems like everything you touch turns to crap, like you aren't good enough, that nobody cares, etc.?

Today was one of those days.

Yesterday was one of those days.

In fact, this whole week has been full of "one of those days".

I just don't know what is wrong with me. I have so much to be thankful for and ecstatic about. I have a loving Saviour who has put me on this Earth for a reason. I have an amazing family who loves me unconditionally. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is supportive, caring, loving, honest, and kind. He literally treats me like I'm the freakin' Queen of England. I have great friends. I will be starting school in a couple weeks at a great institution where I will learn about things that allow me to be creative and myself. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, money (most of the time) as well as warm clothes and a laptop to keep me occupied.

All this stuff and I am still miserable. I feel like a loser for making the wrong decisions about things. I feel broken due to a past relationship. I feel like I'm so unloveable and when Craig tries to love me I get upset because I feel as though I don't deserve it and I'm afraid of pushing him away. I feel stressed about school and my future because I don't know how I'm going to be able to afford some things. I feel uncreative. I feel like a hot mess.

Today when I was sitting on my couch with tears welling up in my eyes thinking about all of this crap I got so mad at myself. I do have everything I need, and for what I don't I know I will work hard to get it with God's/family's help. I need to stop sulking and just be happy, be loveable, be unbroken. Stop complaining! Let myself relax and be happy (I struggle with just letting happy things happen, which is dumb).

Sometimes, yes, as humans we get down and upset because of A, B, and C reason. But ultimately we are the only things that can pick ourselves back up.

I need to let me pick me up.
I need to let my family and Craig love me and be happy with me.
I need to let issues out of my control go.
I need to relax!

I realize completely that most of the reason why I feel this way this week is due to my body having a lack of estrogen and vitamin D, along with having the blues about embarking on a year of long distance relationships with the people I care most about. I also realize that although those might be factors as to why this week has been rougher, they shouldn't be excuses! I still should be happy.

And starting right now, I'm going to relax and be happy.